you wake one morning and it’s like ohhh fuck you realize you love….or you think you’re in love because you see it everywhere. or you find yourself in a moment when you need to share all that love bottled up inside you so you pick someone from the big crowd of unknown bodies and you decide that you’ll share your feelings with him. you don’t really know him, actually you don’t even now his name but you love him. you love him because that’s what everyone around you says to do. you can not think for yourself, because everyone says that love blinded you. you try to deny it but in the end you accept the fact that you are tied to him because they said that love keeps things bounded forever . once in a while you have a moment of lucidity and you ask yourself “who the fuck is this person that fucks my mind and body every day?“. and you struggle to find an answer, but you get lost in a million questions with no answer. so you quit. why do we give up so easily in front of those who we think we love, in front of those empty bodies that light their cigarettes every morning and in the evening they empty that glass of booze? because we have became vulnerable in front of them, because they know us to well and they learned how to control us. in every relation there is someone who controls, and someone who obeys. They obey because they are week, or maybe because they are fed up of making decissions. they simple wait. or they start writing. i am weak. i write because i obey and because he controls and because i love. in reality i don’t feel love for him, but for what he has done for me. he showed me what reality really is, what pain feels like, what it’s like to struggle and to suffer. when we suffer we discover our true conscience, our limits. and in the end what do you win from the love you bought on internet, or you sold it for a night of not so much pleasure with another empty human being? nothing. wait you win something. a one way ticket to the land of madness, where he should have been your pain killer. but he disappears. and now when he abandoned you, you feed your need of love wondering alone on dark and cold streets. you try to find another nameless empty body, just like you. maybe he’ll understand you. maybe he’ll be better. maybe he’ll listen to you and he’ll say that everything is gonna be alright, even though he’ll leave you just like the other after your night of not so much pleasure. you let them use you, and you lie to yourself. you’ll rewind your never ending search for a better he, who is ready to give everything up for you. good luck in your search, i have abandoned mine because i am tired. so tired.
[simple words] [plain feelings]
